i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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