Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
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You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
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Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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