Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
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after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
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Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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