that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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