Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
