Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
