I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
