i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
