I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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