Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
