I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
