Need sex. Gaining weight.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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