How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Actions speak louder than pants.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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