My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
