I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
