if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
