She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
