you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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