My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
