um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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