So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
