Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
