YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
