I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
