oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
