omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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