in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
