i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
