maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize