I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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