She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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