Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
