How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
