i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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