you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
