I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize