I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
