Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Enjoy the penises
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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