Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
