he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
