Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I did not marry a roomba.
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