you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
