Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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