my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
