Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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