i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
