Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
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dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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