just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I look better un-naked...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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