and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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