She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
