A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
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