That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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