so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
