Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
