But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
