dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's official drugs can't kill me
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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