it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
