afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
