I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
