I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
