so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
