He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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