Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
