My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
