Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
