roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
