id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
